Ask Jill: Stress!

Dear Jill, I'm only in fifth grade, but I'm really stressing over everything. I got my period and I hate it. I have to wear bras and I hate it, and my BFF is in another class and she's starting to be BFFs with the popular girls and is ignoring me. I have other friends but it's still so ah-noying! My mom knows about my problems, but that doesn't help! I am SO stressing right now!

Jill: You do really sound stressed out. First of all, it sounds like your body has changed a lot in the past few years. Puberty is a very special time for girls, but it can also be confusing. Do any other girls in your class wear bras and/or have their periods? If not, you might feel a little self-conscious about developing before others. If so, well, they’re going through this too, so you’re not alone in this area.

In terms of friends, it is really difficult when your BFF ignores you. Anyone would feel a little upset and annoyed. You have other friends, so I suggest that you try to have a good time with them. Perhaps you and your BFF will be good friends again, but for now it sounds like you need to take care of yourself and your feelings. So try to hang out with fun friends who don’t ignore you and who help you feel good about yourself! If you, or anyone you know, is being teased by a so-called “friend,” check out chapter 9 in my book, Dealing With The Stuff That Makes Life Tough for some good tips!

Dear Jill, i gained 6 pounds and when you are about to have your period or start going through puberty people say that you start to bloat and since i gained the wait does this mean I'm about to hit puberty? and I'm also embarrassed to talk to my mom about this stuff and she told me once or twice i need a bra or she asked me if I do one of those, and i just turned 11 this past June.

Jill: First of all, it’s true that all girls gain weight just before they get their periods. That’s because your body needs a little extra fat to produce the hormones you need at this time. So your weight gain could mean that you’re about to get your period.

My suggestion is to talk to your mom and your doctor about this, even though it might be a little embarrassing. This is a very special time in your life, and it’s good to get the information you need to understand the changes your body is going through. That way, you’ll probably feel less confused and a lot better!

Dear Jill, how do you know when your about to get puberty? And, you've probably seen a couple of my comments on clubs, but I really need help with this one. I have hairy legs, like dark hair (and my hair is much lighter then the hair on my legs,) and I think I need to start shaving. I'm only going into 6th grade, but a lot of my friends have started (most of them don't even need too!) I tell my mom that I think I need too, but she just says no, you're too young to do that kind of stuff yet! I really need advice!

Jill: There are lots of changes that your body goes through when you go through puberty. Everyone is different, but all girls gain some necessary weight before they get their periods. Body hair is another sign that your hormones are working exactly right!

Girls are developing earlier than girls used to develop, and a lot of moms don’t want to encourage teenage behavior in their tween girls. However, if you are honestly self-conscious about the dark hair on your legs, it might help to talk to your mom about your feelings: do you feel embarrassed, awkward, or unattractive? Maybe if your mom knows more about your feelings, she will be more open about helping you find a way to feel better during this important and special time in your life.

Jill Zimmerman Rutledge is a teen psychotherapist and author of Picture Perfect: What You Need to Feel Better About Your Body.