Dances are sooo much fun! But, I really haven’t been to that many. So, as the Abigail Adams Valentine’s Day Dance approaches, I’ve been thinking more and more about how I should sit, how I should eat, and what I should wear—never mind how to ask someone!
But, never fear. I decided that the best way to find out how to have an un-totally-awkward night at my own personal “royal ball” was to chat with etiquette expert Marianne Cohen of Mannersmith, which is a whole business dedicated to giving people advice on the RIGHT way to do things and when.
Thanks, Marianne, for your do’s and don’ts about dances!
Q. Dear Marianne: What do I do if a boy asks me to go to a dance with him?
A. Hopefully you like this boy and are excited to go with him. And if this is the case, by all means, say “yes” and jump for joy! Remember, this is just a dance; you do not need to be head-over-heels in love to accept an invitation to the dance. If the asker is a generally nice guy, accept.
Q. Dear Marianne: What if I do not want to go with him?
A. First, you need to remember to always be polite. It took a lot of courage for him to ask you and you must be considerate and gentle in your response. If you do not want to go with this person, tell the truth in the kindest of ways, “I am going with someone else,” or “My friends are all going as a group, I’ll see you there, though,” or just saying “No, but I am honored you asked,” is perfect. Remember, you do not want to hurt his feelings. Before you say anything, think about how you would feel if someone said the same thing to you.
Q. Dear Marianne: I really like this guy in my class and want to invite him to the Valentine’s Day Dance. Help! How do I do this?
A. Good for you! We Modern Millies can and should invite boys if we want to. First, you need to remember to think positively and envision him saying “yes.” After all, you are fabulous! He really should want to go with you! If you are outgoing, talk to him in person. If you are shy, over the phone will do. Texting him is not the right way to ask him. Keep it simple: “Hi, this is Isabel. Would you like to go to the dance with me?”
If he says no, it is OK to be upset but move on. Boys are known for being unpredictable. Do not make him feel bad. Maybe he has a good reason such as someone else already asked him or he is not going with a date at all. Your prince charming is waiting around the corner.
Q. Dear Marianne: Help! I have a date and the Valentine’s Day Dance is coming up soon, what do I need to do now?
A. Planning is part of the fun! Find out what traditions are in your area for dances like this. What are your friends wearing? Maybe you can go shopping with them so you can ensure you do not wear the same outfit. Ask older girls, if you know any or ask your mom or teachers. Be sure to coordinate with your date, from matching his shirt with your dress—better not to have any surprises!
Q. Dear Marianne: When you ask someone to a dance who pays?
A. This is an excellent question. The etiquette rule is that if you ask, you pay. So, if your prince charming has invited you to the ball, let him pay! But, if you asked him (you go girl!), then you need to pay for the tickets.
Q. Dear Marianne: So what do I do if I am dancing with my date and I want to go do the Soulja Boy with all my friends?
A. If you and your date have gone as dates, you should not make him feel uncomfortable. Check with him to make sure he will not be upset if you leave him to go dance with your friends for a song and do not forget about him! When that song is over, you should go find your date again!
Q. Dear Marianne: What about if another guy (other than my date) asks me to dance?
A. If another boy “cuts in” and asks you to dance, make sure you ask your date if it is OK with him. If you are out on the floor with another guy, your date is free and clear and may ask another girl to dance. And once again, remember to go back to your date! After every dance you take with a non-date, the next dance automatically belongs to your date.
Q. Dear Marianne: Is there anything I need to do after the dance?
A. Yes! After the dance, write him a thank you note saying what a wonderful time you had and how much you enjoyed being able to go to the dance. Not sure where to start? This Thank You Note Wizard will help. If you had such a fabulous time, feel free to text him that evening before you drift into dreamland but make sure to follow up the next day with a written thank you.
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Below are some tips and techniques that every young woman should follow while attending her royal Valentine’s Day ball.
Eat “like a lady” no matter what is offered. Manners are just important if you are eating chips and dip or a formal meal:
• Chew with your mouth shut.
• Only eat in bite sizes.
• Never ever shovel food in to your mouth.
Make sure you are wearing your “glass slippers” properly, especially if it is your first time wearing high heels:
• Wear your shoes around the house starting a week before the dance.
• If you are not comfortable in the shoes, do not wear them.
• Dancing with your date will be tough if you take the shoes off.
• You also do not want trip and fall during the Soulja Boy dance!
Sit like a princess, not like a peasant!
• Keep your knees together when you sit. Remember: I see London, I see France…
• If you must cross your legs, it is more proper to cross your legs at the ankles.
True ladies know:
• To compliment others, even if it's just “that dress is a fabulous color!”
• Always act as if wherever we are is “the” place to be.
• Remember that you are never fully dressed without a smile.
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Marianne Cohen is the vice president of Manners for Minors, Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting.
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the comment above? VOTE!
i want 2 ask him to dance what do i do if he say s no and hates me the other prob is our family is friends 
